Sheilla 的个人资料Sheilla's space照片日志列表更多  |  工具 帮助 |
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12月14日 commitwowwwwwww...
so happy...
i really really thankfull to Him
i did not expect that i can enter to mel u.
i just said that if He makes me enter to mel u and i ll commit to do what He say..
i don't know wheather i can do it or not..
sigh..
hopefully everythng is gonna be ok
11月24日 counting time1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
every day, every week, every month, even every year i feel so fast.. like when i am counting a number...
nothing can stop this time...
can not realize that the year will finish and a new year will come
will that be the best year that i have ever lived in my life or it will be the most miserable year in my life or mybe it just be as the other past years.....
11
12
13
14
15
naivety was my best friend until in time.. Everything looked white and clear..
16
I hope i can go back to that year..
I hope that year become slower, become 2 years more longer...
17
A lot of new things i had discovered... Characteristic, relationship, knowledge.. etc
A lot of moments i just passed it... meeting and farewell..
18
What else i will discover in this new year??
I am still waiting for the next year, 2 years later, 3 years later, 4 years later, 5 years later, 6 years later.....
I don't know what will come to face me..
So heavy...
1... 11月6日 time sigh... waktu cepet sekali berlalu.. uda ga kerasa bentar lagi uni.. smua pun bakal berubah.. from the little things until the big things.. ga kerasa usa mau uni.. pelajaran brubah, responbility berubah, circumtences berubah,.. sigh... smua pasti brubah... but mau gmn lagi.. emang smua pasti bakal brubah.. nothing eternal in this life... just let the time answer all of the questions... let it be as HE wants... 10月27日 choicesthis blog is the continue of my l;ast blog..
now afta i got this sensitiveersonality, i am always faced with choices...
every second, every minute, every hour, and every day..
there are alot of choices which queue and wait in front of me..
huahuahuahua..
i think i need to develope more my sensitiveness so i can get the right answer...
huahuahuahua...
choices... choicess... and choices???
being good or bad?
being sensitive or insensitive??
yes or no???
trusting HIM or not????
wrong or false???
lol..
so funny..
life is so exciting and funny..
to much choices..
and i havent got all the answer...
lol..
i just let time to tell me the answer...
about my selfwow i just discovered a new thing about my pe4rsonality
i just noticed that i am such an ignorant person..
OMG i think, i am too much being ignorant..
lol
i just discover that i just missed my opportunity to get something which already pay or give their attention to me but i just realize it now..
hahaha..
how stupid i am??????
now it is already late to take it along with me..
hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha......
i like my new character
actually, i can not say it as my nw character because it is still the same character as i had before but i just develope it more..
hahahahhahahahhahahaha...
i bcome more sensitive to my surounding..
i think tht's good and give me a lot advantages...
i can predict people by seeing from their attitude...
huhuahuahuahuahua...
so much different with my old personality..
i just realize that i am already being an ingnorant person in the past..
hahahahahhahahahaha..
i won't be like that anymore..
but there is also an disadvantage for being more sensitive than before..
i can not say averything freely anymore..
because i need to think and consider it first about what i am going to say it...
in the past, iam too busy with my self..
and i dont care about the others..
pretending that i don;t know everything and ignoring everyone who alrady gave their attention to me..
hahahahaha
so funny...
i promise i won't do it anymore..
because now i have tht feeling,
the feeling which can tell me about ppl in my surrounding and knowing about their feeling more deeply....
lol..
for everyone tht i already ignored in the past..
i feel sorry for them..
lol...
10月16日 "17th January 2000" Wishing "YOU" still with 'US"Why are you just gone left us alone???
Why He took you from us???
I just realized tht you re so important to us...
It is already seven years and nine months you left us alone...
Time is passed so fast...
Yes, that day changes all of my life..
I was too white to know everything...
I was too brittle to know everything...
That time I still can smile and laugh with my innocent face....
I didnt thought that after you r gone my life will be changed...
I miss you so much...
I know she also miss you, i can feel her feeling when she has to endure in her life..
When the sky become dark... your scent, figure, and shadow comes...
Your shadow appears when we touch your things, feeling as you r there with us..
I can not call you anymore...
something odd if i call you with that name..
or even i want to tell everybody about your story it fells so odd for me..
I feel jealous with the others who can tell the story about you..
I already forgot that feelings...
The feelings when you spoil me...
That secure feeling...
17th of January 2000
when everything suddenly changed in our life...
Why????
this world is not just to us!!!!!!!!!!!!
He took you and made us struggling in our life...
He just gave me 10 years to live with you..
just 10 years..
that was a short time..
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.......................
 9月24日 sned meGOD KNOW I NEED SOMEONE TO TALK WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE, SEND ME SOMEONE WHO I CAN TALK WITH.................
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I NEED SJARINGGGGGGG.....................................................
I CAN NOT HOLD IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 9月23日 emptinessmy friend just told me that even you r in the crowd place,
even you r in the middle of hang out,
in the middle of laughing.
but u still can feel lonely..
yes, that's right.
even when i laugh i still can feel lonely, empty, and something missing...
sometimes...
i ask my self,
WHERE I AM ?
WHO I AM ?
and
WHAT I SUPPOSE TO DO ?
in one time i can answer my own question but in another time i can't answer it
i can't stop thinking..
everday, every our, every minute, every second
i can not stop thingking...
i just want to stop thinking..... 9月1日 Champion gatheringOh my GOD!!!!!!
GOD touches me for the 2nd time!!!!!
Today, i just went back from the camp.......
Pertamanya,
i thought tht this camp will be soooo boringg...
but, ak sala... gila keren abissssss kuasa Tuhan bener2 ada de....
Aku pertamanya udah ga niat buat join this camp because i thought it's not necessary because i still don't want to cahnge my life. I don't want to become religious person because i still want to do something crazy and i still want to try something new..
Di camp,
ak uda ga mau buka hati sama skali buat Tuhan supaya dia ada kesempatan masuk k hatiku..
tapi emang uda jalannya Tuhan kali ya..
ak bisa membuka hatiku buat dia...
Tuhan mengerti apa yang aku inginkan... HE gave me roh sukacita gila... you know waktu ak d babtist roh kudus for the second time rasanya beda banget dengan yang pertama...
i just felt peace and all my burden has taken away and the whole baptism i can not stop laughing and speak in tounge.....
it's so awsome....
ak bilang k Tuhan saat itu kalok ak ga mau cepet2 keluar dari saat itu dan kalok bisa i want to spent all my life at that time but suddenly, God told me that i need to face the reality because there are still a lot of things that he wants me to know it and learn about it which i have to do in this world and till the time comes where God comes to this earth for the 2 nd time, on that day he will bring me and i can feel the eternal life with Him (happily ever after). Anw, This is the first time where i can feel the real happiness and i can laugh with all my heart since i came to melbourme.
At the end,
i realized why at the first i don't have any desire to join with this camp is because i feel shame to meet with God. I don't want to meet with him.. because i have to many sins... Tapi Tuhan which is the reall father for me mau memaafkan segala kesalahan ku even pertamanya ak malah marah2 kedia kan suppose to be uda tau ak yang sala ak kan seharusnya ga boleh marah ma dia...
gt dia masi juga menyayangiku dia juga masi mau menyambung kembali hubungan ku dan dia yang telah rusak...
ak ga tau under my conciousness ak merasakan bahwa God hold my hand and he doesn''t let me go... He always beside me...
and He said that i won't forget you because you r my child and i will always at your side to help you to walk with u in this world untill the time come to bring you to life forever with me...
Tuhan tahu kalok ak selalu ada kesusahan tapi dia melakukan itu semua agar ak menjadi kuat dan layak untuk hidup bersama dia in his enternal life...
i will wait that time. Time where i can walk freely with him, time where there is no more imperfecttion...
Everything will be great if you and me always walk with him.
8月17日 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAi can not say anything now...
i can not think...
there is only a blank in my mind......
i just wanna shout
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA\
Make me dissapear from this worlddddddddddddd...........
please.........
8月7日 something missingOnly 3 hours.....
3 hours later my age is gonna change..
17 will change become 18
This is the first birthday in my life which i through without my family... Especially, my grandma...
I feel something missing...
i don't want to be 18
i want to be 17..
i want still 17...
7月17日 harpotgilaaaa....
keren abis harpotnya
suka banget....
pa lagi pas perang...
i hope i have that magic.... as harry potter...
yah...
jadi k inget de ma no more chance....
duhhhhh...
masuk monash de..
hohohoho
monash i am coming...
hahahha 7月14日 futureFutere?
Future?
Future?
how is my fututre?
i can't predict it.
i don't know.
Do i need future? Yes, i need it.
Life is choice
yes, that's right.
aha... i know. if i want to know my futue, I need to make decision in my life..
But...
it's hard to make decision...
how??
tell me!!!!!
Life makes me crazy.
Life is so complicated.
hahahahahahahahahaha......
but..
it's great, unique, and chalanging..
I wonder....
life is not complicated as i thought...
i ll take it easy...
relax...
think clearly..
and everything will come as i HOPE
and... absoulutely, with HIS helps
                 Face up ur life with all of that emotions and let's time goes by....
7月11日 Flash backmelihat masa lalu?
is that important?
sometime, when i feel down.... i always see my old life...
duhhh,
saat2 dimana terjadi masa2 bahagia...
hahahahhahahaha...
i know that i did it just for run from the reality of life.....
but....
sudenly, HE reminds me that i couldn't see my old life...
HE says " if you want to follow me, do not ever see your old life... "
Because of HIS perkataan...
ak janji bakal maju terus k depan en walaupun i feel down , i am broken, i won't run from the reality of life...
i will face it...
I WILL FACE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
because i know that HE is always beside me and HE always hold my hand 7月9日 communicationWhat is the most important communication do you have in your live???
hiya....
long time i didn't write a blog...
today, i wanna write about communication..
the most important communication in my life is just communicated with HIM...
i can talk to him abput everything i want to say...
when i wake up in the morning,
when i take a shower,
when i have my breakfast, lunch, dinner,
when i study.even when i chat or talk with the others i still can communicate with HIM,
when i do my routine activities,
i can communicate with HIM 24 hours....
is that strange?????
the answer is NOT
That is amazing....
it is the proof that HE is always by your side...
HE always hold your hand...
even now i talk to HIM...
i can't hear HIS voice but i know that he is always beside me.
HE always blesses me...
sometimes, i think that i am psycho..
i talk to HIM but i don't know weather he replies or not..
but i am trying to believe HIM...
I try to have faith on HIM...
i know it is difficult but i want....
maybe now i write all of this not even based on my faith...
but....
i just wanna try to make my faith on you developed
perhaps, one day i can have that real faith on you.....
5月25日 miss u guys....i feel lonely... although i have a lot of people around me but i still feel something missing in my heart.. i miss u guys... i miss when we were hang out, slept over, acted like a crazy people, discussed about all things... why? time passed so fast... now i realize if that time is the best time in my life.. i can relax, you guys always with me.. i wanna go back to that time. when we can chat and congregate until late. i miss back home..... if i can go back to that time i will be very grateful.. a lot of things had changed.. a lot of moment had been passed away... that time when we are still think and act like a child... we never thought about our future.. everyday, we passed it with laughing... didn't you guys still remember the time when all of us got broken heart... we sang the whole night at the karaoke... when we were crying together at the airport... i love all of that moment... miss u guys,................... 5月19日 "why did people have to grow up?""why did ppl have to grown up?" i thought it would better if ppl never grow up.. no one will lose.... the time will same as now.. no one can change it no one will leave.... ............................................................................................................................................................................................................ 5月12日 break throughBreak Through Break through???? did i get it??? Today, some people explained and told me about YOU about my thought... I always have a lot of inquiries which i always ask YOU when i am communicating with YOU Some of them said all of the thing that i have thought are good, because it means that i wanna know YOU more, i dont satisfied with YOU... i thirsty on you.... I need know more about you... But all my thoughts also can drive me into distraction situation... which can make my way turn or go away from HIM... I know that i couldnt leave HIM... i know that i will always seek HIM... i know that i wont let HIM go from my side.... But the important thing is about all my thoughts abt HIM... i never feel satisfy with all his answers. all his clues.... i doubt with HIM... But after this night i know that only one thing which i can write or put it in my mind.. that HE will make me to be an extraordinary person in the end of the world... HE already make a extraordinary plan for me which i have never thought abt that plan.. I believe in HIM.. i put all my faith in him.... I know that i belong to HIM but HE doesnt belong to me.. I must be patient when i am waiting HIS answer... Te omportant think that i must remember and write it in my mind that HE loves me every single day, every single time, every second, every minute. every hour... HE created me HE knows all my characteristic.. HE knows me well, every single thing in my live.. HE knows it... I wont doubt with him anymore... Bcos i know that he wont doubt with me.. now he just try to make me to be an extraordinary person... so, i can be HIS evidence... Thus. everyone can see me.. and all of them become give theirr faith to HIM... I will do whatever he say... I wont force all my desire to him.. because i belong to HIM.. not HE belongs to me.. HE is making me to be an mature either in my physical and my soul... 5月10日 Water BaptismWater Baptism........
i already took it... and i already did it... but there is something wrong with my self and my mind... i doubt in YOU. i lost my faith in YOU i am starting to ignore and deny YOU. am i hypocrite????? i can tell another people about YOUR powers... about YOUR strength.. about YOUR kindness about YOUR sacrifice.. I try to make people to believe in you and put all their faith in you.. but..... How about my self??????? I am trying to achieve my faith in you... but.. is that all my efforts useful? i only know and remember the theories but i did not do it in my life.. i did not do the practices i tell people abt you but icant tell my self abt you What kind of person am i???? |
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